15.11.23
Okay, I'm writing this at 5AM, and I was supposed to wake up for uni at 7... Let's just say it's not happening - because I'm officialy sick after trying to boost my immune system and not fall prey to flu season for weeks. Ginger shots can only carry you so far.
It sucks because it's the end of semester for me since for some reason this semester was cut very short... I still find it confusing. Today's classes are not that important and I know there's nothing happening but I don't like being out of the loop.
Recently, everyone started asking me for advice again and I'm kind of surprised because I am literally not able to hold my own shitty projects together but apparently I'm an expert and my opinions are in high demand... Sure.
Even though art school is sometimes exhilarating and rewarding, I can't wait to get the fuck out of here. I don't remember who I am anymore outside of this place.
Recently I got tired of listening to podcasts while working on shit so I accidentally binged 2 seasons of Gossip Girl in 2 weeks just by running it on the background. That's 43 episodes. Penn Badgley being typecast as a dirt-poor intellectual simp for the It girls is very funny. I also really miss old TV format and how soapy everything was. The low quality productions and messy writing were the whole point of TV but then something happened... Game of Thrones? Netflix? I'm not sure...
Oh, yeah. I'm sick. Let's hope I can still survive this semester though.
2.11.23
This week is miserable, and I really need to go on a walk. Or take a train somewhere new.
I’ve been working on my uni assignments non-stop, and the whole routine currently is uni-home-uni-home-uni-home, and there’s no difference actually because at home I’m just working on uni stuff again. The only difference is that I’m doing it without the presence of dozens of other art students who are as stressed and depressed as I am.
The bubble of art school really makes for a very interesting collective experience - of fucking losing it. The weirdest part is not being able to convey this experience to anyone else outside of the bubble because then you just sound like an obnoxious privileged asshole. As an international student who pays 10 times the money non-internationals pay, I’m also dealing with my fucking perfectionism and constant reminders from the unwell parts of my brain that I’m never good enough and my work sucks ass. I also forget most of the times that I’m a queer person of color, and some people have biases - because if I was overly conscious of that I would just go insane.
Today I am an event organizer for a day because someone thought that it’s great to organize a party as a part of a video editing assignment…
In another news, I sent a couple of my zines to a fair that’s happening this weekend, and originally I didn’t want to go (1,5 hours on the train one way) but maybe I should visit it considering how sick and tired I am of this small ass town and the same people I see every day.
30.10.23
I’m terribly annoyed by uni and so very, very, very bored.
I really don’t know why I made this blog. I just really need to put my thoughts and feelings somewhere that's not my professional Instagram account. We love being annoyed by social media. We love hating technology. Progress is death. Blahblah.
I guess I’ll go by Abe, pronounced in the Japanese way because I’m excommunicated weeaboo and my sexual awakening happened by watching X/1999 which is such a mindfuck, honestly. As a teenager I got so turned on by the drama, angst and gayness of the story (that wasn’t even finished) that I realized I was queer, and the rest was history. Especially 100+ titles I watched in a span of 1,5 years, a history for sure.
Currently I am getting a Bachelor’s degree (it’s my 2nd try). My 1st try ended up in me getting into the mental institution, so I am hoping for a better outcome this time. Not very hopeful for a job but oh well.
I’m very old. I hate feeling like I’m dumb. I like reading, j-rock, Placebo, Earl Grey and fried rice. Questionably Asian while having no relation to any Asian country.
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